December 2, 2007

living anarchy, living capricious

Filed under: accountability,anarchism,free love/ radical love — polywog @ 11:13 p12

A friend wrote this to me recently:

“capricious. here’s the oxford english dictionary definition:

1. Characterized by play of wit or fancy; humorous, fantastic, ‘conceited’. Obs.

2. Full of, subject to, or characterized by caprice; guided by whim or fancy rather than by judgement or settled purpose; whimsical, humoursome.

3. transf. Of things: Subject to change or irregularity, so as to appear ungoverned by law.
the third definition reminds me of our friendship and living anarchy, and the first two remind me a lot about you, especially humor, wit, fanciness, and nonjudgment.

i think capriciousness could be an organizational principle of any free love-based relationship. it ‘organizes’ chaos and change into the foundation of the relationship, and thus capriciousness becomes an expectation from within, rather than a deviation from, the relationship.”

I love this idea, but i have one thing to add thing:

There are some things that cannot be capricious: respecting the bodily integrity of others; honesty; responsibility for one’s self and emotions; compassionate communication; some degree of independence; and accountability.

Last spring I realized that i am immensly afraid of commitment. I questioned whether my obsession with living anarchy was really just an unhealthy avoidance of a basic life skill. After thinking about it for months, i feel that commitment as it is commonly understood is caustic. I am absolutely committed to the noncapricious qualities that i described above. However, i will never be committed to an individual under all circumstances. I cannot. Commitment to time often comes at the expense of these noncapricious values, and that is unacceptable to me. Commitment is different from accountability. If i have a responsibility for, say, a child, i wouldn’t feel “free” to leave that relationship unless i’d arranged for a more apporopriate situation. Basically i am trying to say that commitment is bulshit if the deeper qualities are not there. Therefore, i’ve redefined commitment in my own life to mean the noncapricious qualities of integrity, not abstract commitments to time or statical forms of relationships.

Love and life are inherently capricious, and in my experience it is best to allow it to stay that way. However, a tree can only stand the wind if it has a strong base.


1 Comment »

  1. Gosh, so much good writing since I last looked!

    The other day you said “I’m afraid of the ‘c’ word.” But I don’t think you are. I think you are afraid of being trapped, afraid to static relationships, afraid of time commitments. Afraid of the “t” word, trapped, or time, might be more accurate. You are in fact one of the most committed people I have ever met, but in ways of radical ever evolving personal integrity, not in a static drift.

    You are indeed committed to the idea of anarchy, of free love, of joy, of honesty of accountability. You are committed to health, to the protection of beauty and bodily integrity.

    As Ani says, “buildings and bridges are made to bend in the wind, to withstand the world that’s what it takes. All that steel and stone are no match for the air my friend, what doesn’t bend brakes.”

    Comment by Eug — December 6, 2007 @ 11:13 p12 | Reply

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